The Wild Bunch

The trip had been planned months in advance. Three of my friends were flying/ driving down to Mumbai for a weekend. I shall call them Tiny Tim, Uber Cool, & Wily Coyote. Initially, we were planning to make a road trip to Goa, but decided to stick around Bombay since a weekend is just not enough for Goa. So once all of us had met up, we headed to my apartment. And although I live in a Jain society where one is not allowed to consume alcohol, it was nonetheless decided that we should have a drinking binge. For some reason, Tiny Tim wasn't in a mood to drink that night. But that did not stop the rest of us. So through the night, the three of us consumed a bottle and a half of vodka & rum. At about 5 in the morning Tiny Tim, Uber Cool & Wily Coyote drove down to South Bombay to see the beach and the sea. I on the other hand, dozed off on the makeshift bed in the hall. I finally woke up at about 2 in the afternoon, not in the hall but in the bed room. Apparently Uber Cool had just flung me over there to create some space for the 3 of them. I was also told that, sometime in the morning, I woke up, stood up on the bed and was looking to charge towards my closet. Had it not been for my flat mate who was getting ready to go to work at that time, I probably would have cracked my skull and knocked myself out with a big bump on my head. The surprising thing is that, I have no recollection of this. And I don't think I was trying to run a 100 m dash in my dreams as well.

Now, the four of us have known each other for the past couple of years at college. For some reason, Tiny Tim always liked picking on Uber Cool. Tiny Tim has a habit of speaking fast. So by the time Uber Cool would comprehend one line, Tiny Tim would have already spoken another 3 or 4 sentences and all Uber Cool could do, apart from being lost, was to give a 100 watt smile. It was Tiny Tim's way of messing around with Uber Cool. Coming back, we went out for lunch to an Italian joint close by. They were showing the Australia vs England cricket match. The Aussies were doing pretty well, but the match was not over and there was a chance that England might pull off a victory. Following was the conversation that went on for a couple of minutes:

Tiny Tim   : If I bet 100 bucks and England wins, will you give me 100?
Uber Cool: Ya
Tiny Tim   : Would you give me 150 if I bet 100?
Uber Cool: Ya
Tiny Tim   : What about 200?
Uber Cool: Ok
Tiny Tim   : and 300?
Uber Cool: No
Tiny Tim   : Why?
Uber Cool: Because thats a lot for an England win
Tiny Tim   : That means somewhere between 200 & 300, you think that it is not worth betting against an England win. So you should turn it around and bet on England to win at 300 right?

Uber Cool: I guess so
Tiny Tim   : Fine, you bet 100 and if England win, I will give you 300. Is that cool?
Uber Cool: No
Tiny Tim   : Why?
Uber Cool: No
Tiny Tim   : What happened?
Uber Cool: ............
Tiny Tim   : What?
Uber Cool: (A sheepish smile)

It took 5 minutes for Uber Cool to realize that his logic was flawed. To which he replied, "I don't want to bet on England".

Moving on, the following night, 6 of us (2 friends had joined us) went to a pub just before it was closing. Two tables away, there were 3 girls and 2 guys sitting. One of the girls was talking at the top of her voice. We dared Tiny Tim to go and tell her to talk softly. Don't let the name fool you, Tiny Tim is a real confident ass whooper. So, without batting an eye lid, he got up, went to the table, told something in the ear of the guy (let's call him the Villain) sitting next to the loud mouthed girl, came back & sat down. We asked him as to why he did not say anything to the girl, to which he replied assuredly "You never tell a girl that, always tell the guy with her". We were quite impressed. About five minutes later, the Villain got up from his seat, came close to Tiny Tim and gave him an earful. The expression on Tiny Tim's face was no longer a picture of confidence. Tiny Tim was raging with anger. The Villain had apparently abused Tiny Tim and told him to meet him outside after drinks. Three people (including me) on our table had stayed in Bombay for six months, but no one had any "pull" or "connections" in case things go out of hand. On the other hand, the Villain was making call after call on his cell phone, probably trying to get people to back him. Everyone (except Uber Cool & I) was boasting as to how they could have taken care of the Villain in Delhi. Tiny Tim realized that it would not be a wise decision to challenge the Villain on his home turf and kept on saying "kat gayi yaar" (read: "we are screwed"). To his credit, he was not scared of the confrontation and was even willing to take a punch and get a black eye. Thankfully, none of that happened, and after having a shot of Tequila, we quietly slipped out without making a fuss.

All this while, Wily Coyote has been out of the picture. He is a simple man who I am sure one day will be mentioned in the same breath as Captain Edward Murphy (the great mind behind Murphy's Laws). I remember a couple of years back, while driving his car, he said very philosophically:- "katna hai ...toh kategi" (read: "if you can be screwed, you will be"). He is a guy who would probably be the first to run from a confrontation (like the one I mentioned before) and shoot a video of everyone else getting beaten up so that he can have a hearty laugh later. You see, he likes to remain out of the spotlight. This happens to be true when one has to pay the bill also. It was an understood fact that the four of us would be treating each other for at least one meal. Or so we thought. Wily Coyote, the escapist he is, brought not a Visa, not a Master Card, but a Maestro debit card with him on the trip. The only problem:- Maestro is not accepted by most restaurants, and as it turned out, in none of the places we went to. So whenever it was time to clear the check/bill, he would flash his Maestro as if he could buy the entire place with it, only to realize, that it was of no value. In fact a couple of times, he even went to an ATM. And guess what, even the machine refused to accept his card.

In the middle of trying to kill one self, becoming bookies, picking bar fights and taking the ad campaign- "Visa Power: Go Get It" to a whole new level, we had a ball of a time and laughed our hearts out.